Midway Atoll

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3KNr1RqvP8

i love omori music

I have been at this station in the rain for the last 5 hours crying and having a breakdown. I guess I predicted the bottom...

Since then: I can't feel anything, I feel so numb, everything feels so dull and empty. I just want to stare into nothing like I have been for a while. What is everything? I don't feel depressed right now, I feel nothing. The anxiety is gone. I feel calm but I don't know why.

Right now, I feel emotionless. I don't care about anything or anyone. I don't know if it's a good or bad. I don't feel hurt by anything. Perhaps I put myself through so much stress that it's broken me - that's possible.

ether vs matt james

I designed my own personality and way of speaking, I made an alt called Etherealized (or well... whatever name it was before that) and tried it. Worked well, we ended up with some pretty big hosts. No one really cared or knew I was Atqr.

It's only Ether now, I can't be my usual self anymore, sorry. Two character thing explained. I prefer to be called Ether now instead of my name.

her (or... you if it's you reading this)

I felt something. I don't like it, she gave me a feeling...

I fucked it all up several times, the relationship was very unstable, as much as both of us were. I took the obsessive route, I trusted her too much. She was broken from her last relationship. It's completely fucked me, I'm not sure what's left of either of us. But it happened. Maybe it's over, maybe it's not. I don't know. I love her but she needs to do what's best for her. Lo siento.

Forgive me or forget about me, move on with your life.

anxiety

It kills me. I'm empty. Or I'm anxious to the point of being sick. Tonight it's the former. I realise who I am, I realise what I do. I don't want to. I can't eat anymore, it's getting difficult to even get 1 meal down. I can't sound fun or anything other than serious anymore no matter how much I try. future

I guess I will have to forgive myself. I know what I blame myself for, I know what I did. I don't know if I want to do this.

Right now, I want to eradicate the issue. I have beaten the fuck out of myself. I'm sorry but I'm right.

life

Somewhat gone. Not elaborating but saying it collapsed would be an understatement. I have lived in my head since January. I just want to be on the Midway Atoll like the name of this post. Let me be with only myself and I'll be fine.

thank you for listening.